I met you today, but it was a coincidence that it coincided with this day. I didn't realize until I got home much later (lol)
I thought I was ready and strong enough to "spend a day" with you, but I guess maybe not.
So many things happened over the day that made me fight against my tears. It was so difficult having to hold you and pretend like it never happened. It also was so difficult having to hold you and to know that we did happen, and that we can never have again what we used to.
I've stopped crying for a week now. That's pretty good. But being with you today brought back nothing but good memories. Too good that they became painful, unbearably and excrutiatingly painful.
I mean, I always knew - and my mom always told me when I look back at all the tears I've shed, it would make me laugh, but she never told me and I never knew that looking back on the laughs would make me cry...
How can you unlove someone? How can you bring yourself to not even hate - but to be indifferent to the person?
I could tell, that you were trying to still keep distance, but there were times where you forgot and you let yourself close to me again.
I don't know how I'm going to continue this. Maybe it was a wrong decision to meet, but I sure as hell needed to see you again.
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